To spread some holiday cheer, in this festive season, here are a few things that grind my gears..

1) Stock Photos

Nothing lends inauthenticity to a static web site like stock photos, especially when the company is trying to appear global and culturally diverse.. If you really are culturally diverse, why don’t you put actual photos of your employees, huh?

2) Social Networking Sites
I’ve been a part of three, and I haven’t made ONE new friend, one new business contact, a single buck from all the hours wasted online, except maybe voluntarily sacrificing my privacy on the altar of web savviness. Like a pack of gypsies, we’ve all moved from one socialweb to another, adding the same buncha people we vaguely know. Ryze, orkut, hi5, linked in, myspace, friendster…VC money is being redundantly pumped into newer social networking sites, which keep spamming my inbox mercilessly… when will it stop?!

3) People who advertise their tastes in music and books like it means something
You know what I’m talking about. These people are so self involved, that they think dropping names of artists or authors imbibes them with the same mystical ether of personality. Yeah well, you don’t have to be from the UK today to listen to the Smiths, the geography in music is fucked. CDs are dead, all you need is a broadband connection.

From a friend’s Orkut:

Music:rock, electronica & alternative from the eighties to the mid nineties; Gary Numan, Wall of Voodoo, Murray Head, Art of Noise, Alan Parsons Project, STP, Pearl Jam, Depeche Mode, Icehouse, Nik Kershaw, Duran Duran, Joe Jackson, Howard Jones, Live, Digable Planets, Lucas, Glenn Frey, The Police, Level 42, Aztec Camera, Modern English, Styx, Journey, Blondie, Fleetwood Mac, Til Tuesday, The Tubes, The Clash, The Cure, David Bowie, Baltimora (muhahahaha), Yazoo, Devo, Go West, Men at Work, Midnight Oil, The Fixx, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, Tommy Tutone, Michael Sembello, Naked Eyes, Glass Tiger, Matthew Wilder, The Smiths, Wang Chung, Alphaville, Billy Idol, Huey Lewis & The News, REM, Information Society, Beats International, Psychedelic Furs, Bronski Beat (anything by Sommerville really), U2, The Romantics, Romeo Void, Simple Minds, Styx, Information Society, Madness, Swing Out Sister,

And these things are tagged in Orkut! Like I’m going to find a soul mate based on the fact that we have both listened to Massive Attack.

This never happenned:
“Hey! you listen to Band X! I listen to Band X too! ! We have so much in common! We should make babies based on the fact that we dig the same recording artist!!!”

4) That flangey effect they use in Hindi pop music now
Do you know that Cher song, which has this voice mod that makes it sound like “do you beleueueueueve in love?” Yeah now someone’s distroing a torrent for that Pro tools plugin, and every producer is abusing it like it were a retarded stepchild. This MADNESS HAS GOT TO STOP.

5) RJs
Why do
all Indian RJ’s have the same voice? They do! They’ve ALL got the same style, that fake effusive friendly tone, like they’re trying to sell you something. And they’re all peddling the same old payola crap for bus money, making insipid, hackneyed comments about the weather, interspersed with product plugs or some vagueass remarks about some celebrity, and trying to be edgy by mocking Himmesh Reshammiya.

And I hate it when they fade out a song repeatedly to make some crappy comments:

Jaagi soi rahoon

“Aaand you’re listening to 109.2 radio FM,

khoi khoi rahoon
uski yadoon mein

I’m your host Kritikaaaa, taking in callers for the next half an hour… dial 2226221!!!”

uske khwaabo mein
jhome jiya re

“You’re listening to the Crazy Kiya Re from Dhoom 2

(Na usko pata
Na uski khata

“If you haven’t already, you muuust watch movie!!! Hritik Roshan looks so hot!!!

Mein us pe margai
Zara usko bata)2

Craaazy

Dheree dheere ikraar mein
kabhi kabhi intezaar mein
uske hi pyaar mein jhoome jiya re

6) The House Nigger in Bhangra and Bollywood
remixes
You know what I’m talking about. I’m less offended by Bhangra music that has the house nigger, because it is offset by Punjabi bitchaez can afford electrical appliances to shave, wax, and epilate their body parts.

What annoys me more is when Bollywood remixes add an asinine rap part which has ZERO lyrical finesse, or merit. I’m unable to remember any song in particular, so I’m going to leave a placeholder for my beloved readers of this quality blog to fill me in here. Please give me a bollywood song with a rap interlude that sucks. (with transcribed lyrics please)

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  • what, does this air on Dubai Hot 100 102.1FM? I get Visaka Hot 10 or some such crap, it rocks, esp since I dunno when the music stops and when the RJ pipes in. Gimme Internet Radio anyday of the year…no social netwrking, forgot my Ryze id tho continue to get spammed. Happy Huhlidayz

  • lol… agree on all counts!!

  • I don’t know any hindi songs, but “Raghavan” from tamil movie vettaiyadu vilayadu has this house nigger thing.

  • kidhar kho gaya hai be saale……no updates in loong time???

  • hallow

  • LOL .. You had me nodding at the first point.. the rest just widdened the grin that followed.. I was cracking my sides by #3.

    -Rashmi,
    Wandered from orkut through Vee