Facebook’s recent algorithm changes that throttles the reach to 1/10th of your audience has left some brands exasperated and frustrated. Eat 24, a US-based food-ordering service just decided to pull the plug on its Facebook page, and they’ve published a poisonous suicide note that incriminates their captors for pushing them to this decision.

• “Even if we could figure out your mysterious, all-knowing algorithm, it’s constantly changing, so what works today might not work tomorrow. Posting something that most of our friends see is like biting into a burrito and actually getting all seven layers… never gonna happen.”

 

• “All we do is give, and all you do is take. We give you text posts, delicious food photos, coupons, restaurant recommendations… and what do you do in return? You take them and you hide them from all our friends.”

• “We made mistakes too. We actually paid for some of those annoying promoted posts. You were all like, ‘Dude, you gotta try out promoted posts, It’ll help you make more friends and then more people can enjoy your LOLZ.’ So we tried it because we loved you. Also, YOLO… And it’s true, we got a ton of new likes on our page. Look at all these new friends, we thought. There’s a guy in Houston, and this guy in… Bangladesh? And this girl in… Dubai? WTF Facebook!?… Right now we’re only in the U.S., so even though we love our new international friends, we’d prefer not to piss them off by showing them a photo of a delicious calzone that they can’t even order.”

 

• “But the bigger picture issue is that we can’t trust you. You lied to us and said you were a social network but you’re totally not a social network. At least not anymore… Why should we have to wade through a dozen promoted posts about how to lose belly fat (are you trying to tell us something?) and requests for Candy Crush (NO! Just no.) and suggesting we like our arch nemesis’ page (seriously, WTF) before we can finally find the perfect Doge meme? It really seems like you’ve lost your way and have become nothing more than an ad platform.”

 

Here’s what Facebook Director of Communications Brandon McCormick has to say in Facebook’s defence:

“Hey Eat24, this is Brandon over at Facebook. I was bummed to read your letter. The world is so much more complicated than when we first met — it has changed. And we used to love your jokes about tacquitos and 420 but now they don’t seem so funny. There is some serious stuff happening in the world and one of my best friends just had a baby and another one just took the best photo of his homemade cupcakes and what we have come to realize is people care about those things more than sushi porn (but if we are in the mood for it, we know where to find it Eat24!). So we are sorry that we have to part this way because we think we could still be friends — really we do. But we totally respect you if you need some space.”

Has Facebook jumped the shark? You wish. Facebook crossed a billion mobile users recently, so its not likely to go the way of Myspace, despite kamikaze attacks by some brands. But if you’re planning to shutter your Facebook page, now is probably the best time, and it pays to do it as loudly and angrily as possible.

Eat24’s post references this explosive video from Veritasium, which explains how promoted pages are hijacked by third-world clickfarms, leading to lowered overall engagement from brands that spend cash to boost their message. It’s required viewing for social media chumps. If you know any noobs who are thinking of spending money to market their brand/service on Facebook, send them this video, ask for a consulting fee for saving them all that money.

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