Date a boy who blogs. Date a boy who spends his money on custom wordpress themes and web-hosting instead of hotrods. He has problems with his external hard drive because he has too many MP3s. Date a boy who can write a listicle about anything, and has been online since he was twelve.
Date a boy who blogs. You’ll know that he loves because he will always have a blogpost in his drafts folder. He’s the one lovingly looking at the posts on buzzfeed, the one who chuckles out loud and shares the lulz and relevant reads. You see that weird guy at a concert, recording a video so he can live-tweet it to his friends? That’s the blogger. He can never resist sharing his experiences, especially if they are bloggable and relevant.
He’s the boy reading thoughtcatalog while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at his mug, it’s probably empty because he’s been sitting out there all day, lost in a thinkpiece of his own making. Sit down. He might check you out, as most bloggers do not like to be interrupted. Ask him if he likes to blog.
Buy him another round of herbal tea.
Let him know what you think of Upworthy. See if he got through the longread on Smarm by Tom Scocca. Understand that if he says he understood Ship of Theseus, he’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask him if he loves Nick Denton or would like to be like him.
It’s easy to date a boy who blogs. Give him longreads for his birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Link him the gift of words, in tweets, or rap battles on YouTube. Give him Thoughtcatalog, Brainpickings, Gawker and Vice. Let him know you understand that user-generated web content is love. Understand that he knows the difference between blogs and reality, but by god, he’s going to try and make his life a little like his favourite blogger. It will be never your fault if he does.
He has to give it a shot somehow.
Lie to him. If he understands syntax, he will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: content farms, PR firms, meme-worthiness and relevance. It will not be the end of the world.
Fail him. Because a boy who blogs knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because boys who blog understand that many posts fail to trend. That you can always write another blog post. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life means have a comment troll or two.
If you find a boy who blogs, keep him close. When you find him up at 2 AM furious about a comment and weeping, steal his internet router and lock it in a safe. You may lose him for a couple of hours but he will always come back to you. He’ll talk as if the commenter spam on his blog is real, because for a while, they always are.
You will propose on a Facebook. Or during a Tweet up. Or the next time he’s sick. Over Skype.
You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. He will introduce your children to Keyboard Cat and All Your Base, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together, and he will bark memes and internet catchphrases under his breath, while you shake the dogshit off your boots.
Date a boy who blogs because you deserve it. You deserve a boy who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give him monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a boy who blogs.
Or better yet, date a boy who has his own podcast.
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